dear life,
i'm ready for you to start. i feel like i'm at a stand still most of the times. other times, i feel really alive, the times when my friends make me laugh so hard i snort, the times i'm drunk on wine or beer or vodka and i love everyone around me...the times when i feel like i am safe in a cocoon of tangled legs and blankets. i feel alive when i'm tripping with my friends and we discover something inside of ourselves we never knew was there. i feel alive when i arch my head and see the brightness of the sky. i feel alive when i come home and my dogs are so happy to see me, like they haven't seen me in weeks. i feel alive when i rip off my boyfriend's clothes and we fuck wildly and then he holds me in his arms, kissing my neck.
but a lot of the times, it feels like my real life is yet to start. i'm still in the town where i was born...in fact i'm just down the street from the hospital my mother gave birth to me in. i guess it's my own fault for not leaving, but i still want to leave. i want to see more, feel more. i want to live off the grid, i want to dress eccentrically, i want to roam around the world with nothing but a backpack. when will i get to do this? i guess now is better than never. i think i'll take some summer off and go backpacking through the wilderness. because i need to realize i can do it...i'm not obligated to marry, i'm not obligated to stay here, i'm not obligated to be suzy homemaker. i don't want to sit behnd a desk, i don't want to slowly rot away.
i do want to see all the oceans, and swim in them with someone i love. i want to live in a big old house with all my friends. i want to grow my own food. i want my passport to be stamped with all the countries of the world. i want to be alive. i'm ready.
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