so, i turned 20 on the 17th. I don't feel much diffrent, but i do like to think about where i was a year ago. I like to reflect on the past during important events in my life. A year ago, I had met my current boyfriend and was dating a complete asshole. I had just turned 19 and he had refused to buy me booze for my party and we got into a big fight about it. He didn't give me a present. But he was great in bed. This year, my current bf took me shopping for presents and I got some cds and books and am very pleased with them. I had an awesome kickass party at my friends where everyone got wasted and danced all night. My friend made me a tinfoil tiara. A year ago i was living in a shitty little dorm room, but now i'm living in a duplex with plenty of room and awesome girls. So i suppose the difference in being 20 is me being happy. I am happy. My friends are great, I love my roomates, I love my boyfriend, I'm challenging myself academically, socially, and professionally, and I like my life.

i'm ready

dear life,
i'm ready for you to start. i feel like i'm at a stand still most of the times. other times, i feel really alive, the times when my friends make me laugh so hard i snort, the times i'm drunk on wine or beer or vodka and i love everyone around me...the times when i feel like i am safe in a cocoon of tangled legs and blankets. i feel alive when i'm tripping with my friends and we discover something inside of ourselves we never knew was there. i feel alive when i arch my head and see the brightness of the sky. i feel alive when i come home and my dogs are so happy to see me, like they haven't seen me in weeks. i feel alive when i rip off my boyfriend's clothes and we fuck wildly and then he holds me in his arms, kissing my neck.
but a lot of the times, it feels like my real life is yet to start. i'm still in the town where i was born...in fact i'm just down the street from the hospital my mother gave birth to me in. i guess it's my own fault for not leaving, but i still want to leave. i want to see more, feel more. i want to live off the grid, i want to dress eccentrically, i want to roam around the world with nothing but a backpack. when will i get to do this? i guess now is better than never. i think i'll take some summer off and go backpacking through the wilderness. because i need to realize i can do it...i'm not obligated to marry, i'm not obligated to stay here, i'm not obligated to be suzy homemaker. i don't want to sit behnd a desk, i don't want to slowly rot away.

i do want to see all the oceans, and swim in them with someone i love. i want to live in a big old house with all my friends. i want to grow my own food. i want my passport to be stamped with all the countries of the world. i want to be alive. i'm ready.

my banquent microwave meal says that three chicken fingers, cheesy pasta, and hard chocolate cake rock is a dinner.i'm not arguing.

in case you haven't heard, it's been a snow shit storm here in como. i didn't go to work today and i only ventured out to take care of erin's mom's cats. i saw a police car speeding down the highway then skid and hit a snow drift. my mom of course has been updating me via text about road conditions and telling me to dress warmly and to not go outside.

now i'm holed up in my house with my banquet mircowave meal and a grilled cheese wishing i had some hard liquor. i turn 20 in ten days.
update: new 30 rock will have james franco...drool drool.