i'm currently on vaca visiting my mom in Texas. Sunday i fly up to Cleveland to see my grandparents. i moved in a week ago but didn't have much time to unpack or anything because of my visit. whatevs. i just want to go home, and do things, and also never become like 99% of humanity.

Once upon a time there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. And they grew next to each other. And every day the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and he would say, "You're crooked. You've always been crooked and you'll continue to be crooked. But look at me! Look at me!" said the straight tree. He said, "I'm tall and I'm straight." And then one day the lumberjacks came into the forest and looked around, and the manager in charge said, "Cut all the straight trees." And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong and growing strange.
--from my favorite movie, wristcutters: a love story.

i don't want to sit at a desk all day, or be tired to do the things i love. i want to continue to learn and i don't want any part of the rat race. i don't want to grow apathetic and uncaring. i want to have lots of friends. i don't want to move to the suburbs. i do want to live the life i want without people questioning my motives, or my sanity, or my prudence. why can't i do what i want.

life isn't a dress rehearsal.

this song....oh, this song.




i'm moving into my new place with my buddies on sunday, but i haven't done any packing. :( i just am lazy. and moving shit sucks. argh.

this is exactly how i feel. are we one tree, or are we two?

“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”

—

St. Augustine “Love is not vain because it is frustrated, but because it is fulfilled. The people we love turn to ashes when we possess them.” — Marcel Proust  i wish i was like a deer, but i'm not delicate enough for that. i'm more like a moose. i've always wanted to be a mermaid, or a fairy, or a wood nymph. something magical and unusual. maybe if i wasn't human, i wouldn't have all these issues that come with humanity.

my dreams lately have been more vivid and frequent.

last night i dreamed i rode a magical train. i met a boy who i was shocked liked me and spoke to me. he had dark curly hair and brown eyes. my friends tried to convince me to not speak to him, but i didn't listen. in this train there were huge rooms with high ceilings and white lights. this boy sat down to eat with me, offering me some bread with butter. But i pushed it away and told him that i don't want to eat any more ever again. i remember the strong emotion of sadness. i felt away from anything i knew, and i cried into his shoulder.

i haven't felt beautiful in a long time. maybe that's a non-problem, but that's how it is. i feel inferior. i feel ugly and fat. in the dream, the boy made me feel worthwhile. he turned all his attention to me, like a slow-burning heat.

late night drunken conversation with a friend i haven't known in a while, but have started to reconnect with. we talked about how stupid people are becoming, and already are. how america has changed. our relationships and what we've done wrong. female dominance of the academic world. our time in europe. our futures, and if they include marriage and kids. god and why the world is the way it is. sex and love.

i wish i was in new zealand surfing and gardening with my commune of friends already. that's what i want to happen. maybe i'll have a kid, name her something like Corrinne or Zora. be surrounded by people i love in a big love shack. i would play the ukulele in a band and sing, and picnic on the beach and rock climb. during the day i would teach at the local high school, and at night i would rock out with my friends. it just seems that a) no one has the balls to join me and b) i don't know how i would get to this point in my life. i feel so fucking restless all the time, and no one seems to understand.

the perfect soundtrack to my life as of now

"lust for life"--girls
"when i'm with you"--best coast
"creep"--scala
"lately"--memoryhouse
"blue suede shoes"--carl perkins
"you're my guy"--vivian girls
"home"--edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros
"i can see your tracks"--laura veirs
"tightly"--neko case
"wishing well"--the shangri-las
"all i need"--the willowz
"cherry bomb"--the runaways
"maps"--the yeah yeah yeahs
"hannah"--freelance whales
"i wanna be your dog"--the stooges
"dead sound"--the ravonettes

Body positivity matters to the feminist movement. It matters because every second a woman spends obsessing about her appearance or counting calories is one less that she can devote to critical thought, political engagement or working for gender equality. It matters because women–and all people– should not have to define their self-worth based on their proximity to the white, cis, able-bodied, thin ideal. It matters because we must reject the idea that plastic surgery, makeup, trendy diets and designer clothes, rather than feminist ideals like equality and freedom of choice, are what will really empower us. It matters because loving your body means treating it right, working to make it healthy and safe and respectful of other bodies. It matters because embracing your body and sexuality can lead to a more fulfilling, safer sex life. It matters because every inch we widen the definition of beauty is an important step in the empowerment of all people-trans people, people with disabilities, people of color, men, women and others. It matters because fat is not unhealthy and we need to stop deluding ourselves that it is–the “obesity epidemic” distracts from real issues of class, race and gender. It matters because when we respect ourselves we begin to demand that others respect us as well–in our relationships, at work, in public life. It matters because body positivity creates bonds between us that foster community, creativity and empowerment.

my favorite bands as of now: best coast, the dum dum girls, memoryhouse.

things to work on towards becoming a better person:
be healthier, in eating habits, exercise, and stress levels.
be nicer towards others.
listen to people when they speak.
smile more.
have more adventures.
don't procrastinate.
just let it go.
don't speak about people behind their backs.
compliment people on their clothes, accomplishments, ect.
read more, bring up interesting things in conversation.
save money for trip to montreal, backpacking through europe, ect.
don't judge.
get more sleep.
call mom and alec more often.
send people letters.
let loose, be goofy.

the body

i think pale skin against dark hair is beautiful.
i think freckles on the cheeks are delightful.
i think skin like cocoa is enchanting.
i think curls against the neck are rapturous.
i think voluptuous hips are graceful.
i think long legs are poetic.
i think blue eyes are wistful; and brown eyes, i think they're soulful.
and grey eyes, i think they are melancholy; and green eyes, i think they are hopeful.
i love the body, and it's many forms--
the fat thighs, and slim necks, and the dark skin, and the soft lips.
the fleshy paleness of milky skin, and the tanned shoulders peaking out of dresses.
the bones of her knees and elbows, the luxury of her hair.
i love the body, the body of her--
the body of ancient mothers, pagan and wild.
naked, bare--that's the way i want to see you.

running wishlist:

role models by john waters
ukelele tree painting by johanna wright
just kids by patti smith
miss pettigrew lives for a day by winifred watson
the encyclopedia of saints
panda umbrella
the complete stories by flannery o'connor
if you follow me by malena watrous
the firebird painting by edmund dulac
hans shristian andersen: the complete fairy tales and stories
a ukelele
pocket watch necklace
bento boxes
by sea string lights
cute tights/socks
my neighbor totoro

i miss the boy so terribly. he gets back a week from friday. he's having a good time though. i suppose it just bothers me that all these people can go places and i can't. it bothers me that i miss him so very very much and can't do anything about it but wait.















i'm just so very restless and have a distinct aura of melancholy hanging over me. what am i doing with my life? nothing. i feel so unaccomplished.

















how do i know what would make me happy without knowing what i want? i have some ideas, but nothing really. good friends, good books, good food, these things would make me happy. i can't ask for much more. as long as i can be surrounded by smart, kind, lovely people, then i will be alright.

i would like to do all these things.
go to alaksa after college.
hop trains with some friends in canada.
grow my own food.
write a lot more.
publish some books.
work on a farm.
go to korea.
backpack through the UK.
homestead in New Zealand.

i'm the kind of girl that likes adventure. i like visiting the sea, because it's so very pagan and ancient,
and i become lost in the foam and the roar of it's waves. i like books and the smell of old pages, and the way
the covers become worn by different hands. i like fresh peaches and flowers growing wild. i think magic is real, but i'm not yet sure about love. i love clothes and dressing up and playing with fashion.

“Never love anybody who treats you like you’re ordinary"

—	Oscar Wilde

in my perfect world, everything would be beautiful.

there would be no ugly, concrete buildings, or big, hulking SUVs. no strip malls, no chain stores. 

every place would be uniquely built, looking like nothing else constructed. 

we would all run on sunshine and wind and water; the air would be clean to breathe. 

the avenues filled with trees and flowers, people walking their dogs and biking along,

and the cars brightly colored, holding happy travelers.

in my world, everyone could go to school, and get healthcare, and be able to feed themselves.

there would be no hate, and gay people could marry.

religion would have it's place, but no one would use it to intimidate.

men wouldn't harm women, and they would instead do everything to uplift them.

women wouldn't feel like the inferior sex; they wouldn't feel like starving themselves, or getting plastic chests.

in my world, people would love themselves, and each other, and would be happy to help others;

no need to conform to pressure to be thin, or blonde, or normal, or straight.

no celebrity worship, and lust for fakery.

in my world, you and i would stay,

curled up under a tree's shade, safe and at peace.

i am dozing on your lap, your fingers in my hair, the sound of trains are in the air.

what could be better than this? our books lay half-read in the grass.

you awake me gently to kiss me, lips soft and sweet, tasting of ice cream.

and i whisper, don't go anywhere, my love.

“Myths & legends die hard in America. We love them for the extra dimension they provide, the illusion of near-infinite possibility to erase the narrow confines of most men’s reality. Weird heroes & mold-breaking champions exist as living proof to those who need it that the tyranny of “the rat race” is not yet final.”

(Hunter S. Thompson)

i feel really bitter lately. i don't want to hang out with anyone. i'm angry and frustrated with my life. i don't even know where to begin.

i want to make new friends. but how? i want to be a better person. but how? i am of the opinion that my life sucks. i want to live a better life. i want friends that share my ideals and goals and everything. people who are adventurous and unpretentious and wild and free. i don't know. i want to go on adventures. that's all i've ever really wanted. my boyfriend is gone for a month overseas, and as lame as it sounds, i miss him a lot, and i wish he was here. i wish i had more friends. i wish i wish i wish.

i'm getting tired of this town, and tired of sitting still. i'm tired of feeling powerless and alone. i don't know what i want to do with my life, and i don't want to figure it out just yet. but i feel pressure to plan out my life. i just want to see the world and meet new people and learn. i don't add anything to the group dynamic, so i can see why my friends don't like having me around. i feel utterly ordinary.

has time changed us, or have we stayed the same? i'm afraid of you leaving, but also i'm afraid i'll leave you.

i'd like to believe i've changed and become a better person, but what if i haven't changed one bit, and i'm the same person i was 2 years ago?

i have to wonder who i've become. is it noticeable to anyone on the outside?

I'm the fetid swamp, the black lagoon,
I'm the branches scratching at the moon.

i seem to exist

there are nothing but questions.
as to who i am and what the rain sounds like on tin roofs.
i am nothing but
an empty sound, a gourd.
i am waiting for the singing of magpies,
i am waiting for the trains calling softly.
the forest is green after a wet night,
and it opens as we fall behind the sun;
a whistle blows, the bark grows.
are your knees as scabbed as mine?
the blood has dried for now,
only to flow again under the tired trees.
moss is underfoot, a cushion for aching bodies.
does your body ache?
berries stain the mouths and skin,
and i move to go no where.
i only go, and you follow,
the pine needles falling.

okay. i want to drop out. and drop off the grid. i don't know how and when or where, but i want to fucking live already.


i don't want to buy plastic cheap shit. i don't want to buy food that's energy-zapping and crappy for me. i no longer want to rely on companies for my clothes, my food, my fun, my education. i want to support small business, and self-determination, and self-education. i want to teach myself how to grow my own food. i want to teach myself how to make things. i want to teach myself about history, and art, and philosophy. 


i want happiness and music and love and simplicity. i hate my dad's relationship with my step-mom; she stays at home and he works. i want to work. i want equality. i hate my mom's relationship with my step-dad. they're boring. i want excitement. i don't know if i'll ever marry or anything, but i do know that any partner i have will be my equal. we will both cook. we will both clean. we will both care for any children that we may have. we will be happy, maybe not every moment of every day, but more than not.


i don't want my job to be stressful. i don't care if i'm poor; as long as i have what i need, and i love what i do, that's fine. i think we work at jobs we hate to earn more money we don't need to buy things that commercials tell us we should want. and i think it's screwed up. we are caught in a cycle--and i want to get the fuck out!


all the adults and authorities in my life have always told me i can't have fun all the time. why the hell not? because it's not good for the bottom line? what's good for business is not good for people and the way we should be living our lives. we should be exploring, and adventuring, and writing and talking and reading and creating. instead we sit at desks, sit at home, closed off from the world and each other. we buy to make ourselves better; we're told that our problems will go away if we buy X, Y, or Z. it's not good for business for people to pursue their own happiness outside products, and that's why we don't. capitalism needs consumers, and those people are us. we have been duped, and it's bloody time we wake up and start doing what we truly want. TV wont make you happy; cars wont make you happy. only superficially.


what makes me happy: being outside. the woods and the wind and the water. my dogs. fresh fruit. new books. old books. thrifting. music. sex. tripping acid. old movies. and i can't say i'm free from this cycle, at least i'm trying to change. i want people to join me. 


i want a job like being a teacher, a farmer, a writer. happiness doesn't come from things.

what we're afraid of

we're afraid of going to hell.
afraid of disappointing.
afraid of failure, but we don't know what failure is.
afraid of being lonely, afraid of the police.
God, and being strange.
poison, germs, war, steel.
sex, feeling, flesh, tears.
good literature, bad clothes.
afraid of disappearing, but not afraid of knifes.
afraid of leers, afraid of love.
God, I hate the man, she cried,
acid in her limbs and blood in her eyes.

feeling a sense of depression. don't know why.
i got way too drunk last night and bawled my eyes out...in front of people. i had to go upstairs and S went with me. i don't remember why i was crying, but i was a mess. i recall wanting to die, telling him i wanted to die. he tried to comfort me. i told him i didn't want him to leave me, i wanted him to stay. he had to go because he was someone's ride. so he left.
everyone else had fun, but i stayed in this little room and cried.
i feel pathetic. i just want S here. I want to talk to him.
maybe i should go see a shrink. but i don't have enough money for that.

i'm just depressed and angry at the world. everything sucks. i feel alone. i feel lost. i feel ugly. people are ants that consume and work and consume and work, an endless cycle of worshiping objects. we live in a fucked up world. and i don't want to be apart of this anymore. and how do i get out?
i feel weak, and i don't like feeling that way. i like feeling strong and powerful. no matter what anyone says, weakness isn't my natural state because i am female. i don't know what my natural state is, but it isn't this. this sucks. i don't feel like interacting with anyone, just sleeping. just disappearing. i am trapped.
i don't feel apart of anything important. i don't feel like i can talk to anyone and they'll understand. i feel as if i am alone in my opinions, my dreams, my battles. if i knew what would make me happy, i would do it. but i don't.

when will my life begin? when can i start rambling around the world, when can i start writing and being and living and loving? i feel as if i'm on a treadmill, going nowhere fast.

a perfect future

I will have a beautiful little house in a neighborhood with a strong sense of community--a community garden, block parties, the like. I'll have at least two dogs and maybe some cats, rescued from the pound.
I'll work at a job I love, one that allows me to travel as much as I want. Working for the queer community center, writing for a local newspaper, being a teacher, running my own small business. I'll have lots of friends and I'll cook delicious healthy dinners once a week for my friends. I'll have lots of time to read, to write, to make and listen to music.

Everyone will love my eccentric style and will always ask where i got what i'm wearing. During the summers, I'll travel with a troupe of performing artists. I'll write short story collections and buy food from the food co-op.
One day, I'll have a baby with a cool dude. Our wedding will be small and beautiful, in the spring. He will have a beard, and love me, and be a good man.

stuff that would make me happy:

if i had enough money/resources to move out to new york for the summer and do an internship for bust magazine

if i could find cute, flattering, affordable clothes in my size and not have to hunt them down on the internet and not be able to find them in stores

if people would just stop being hateful little boogers towards each other. like, dude, we're not in junior high anymore, why do you feel the need to judge people because of their job/income/weight/gender/race/major/clothes/religion/preferred pizza topping? get over yourself!

if also people would just do what makes them happy, and doesn't hurt anyone. if you want to run a multi-billion dollar corporation, sweet! just don't do it at the cost of people's quality of life. don't pollute streams with toxic waste or withhold health insurance benefits from your workers while you fly around in your private jet.  if you want to get married and pop out 20 kids, awesome! just don't tell everyone that's the right way, that what you did is the way to true happiness. if you want to fly to the moon, do it! if you want to be a director, do it!

if there was a less narrow definition of beauty. why is a blonde, skinny, and tan attractive? because we are told it's supposed to be. if we tune out of the corporate drivel and the marketers that deliver blows to our self esteem, we can tune into our true wants and desires. do we really want everyone to look alike? do we really want to look like everyone else? do we really want to be told what we're supposed to be attracted to? human bodies are not to be consumed like any other marketable object, but that's the way it's going.

if we just helped each other out. that doesn't make us lazy. i'm so saddened by the politicos and the people who refuse to support government programs because they help other people. some people don't have 'boot-straps' to pull themselves up by. if there's limited government help, like the school lunch program, scholarships, unemployment benefits, healthcare, then it's good. i don't advocate a so called nanny state, but i do think that it's better to pay a little more in taxes for the better of society than to hoard money while everyone suffers. that's no way to be apart of a community.

if my mom was still here. i miss her and my brother and my dogs and cats. :(

if i could just let go, and be. i want to do what i want, i want to be who i want, without any outside pressure telling me how to do things. i'll do things the way i want.

if money wasn't such a big issue. why does it even exist? we are the only ones who give it power. yet one has to have a certain amount of money to live comfortably, and even more to live how they want. i wish doing what you wanted wasn't dictated by how much money you had/ how much you got paid. if money were no object, then the really really rich would be just like everyone else and people wouldn't see what the big deal was. if there was no money, i would be able to do so much more. everyone would.

and a lot of other things.

I WANT TO SEE THE WORLD. AND MEET EVERYONE.

sometimes i just feel so lonely. so so alone. and i have no reason to; i have friends, i have a boyfriend, i have family. why is this so? maybe it's a fear of things to come. i'm not afraid of love, i'm afraid of not being loved, especially by him. i'm afraid one day he'll turn over in bed and say, i don't love you anymore. i don't know why this would happen; maybe because i'm ugly, or sad, or bitter, and he'll one day have enough of me. he'll get tired of my crying and leave me. it is my greatest fear to be lonely, and it is my greatest hope i will not end up with no one by my side.

the flip side of that is a fear of being with someone i don't want to be with just to be with someone. just so i'm not alone. what if i never find someone i want to share my life with? i suppose it's not that great a loss, but it would be a shame to settle for someone, or to marry someone i love and then fall out of love and watch them become less and less desirable.

i'm afraid of failure. i'm afraid of my own laziness, that one day i will wake up and be stuck in a place i don't like with a job i hate because i didn't try hard enough. i'm afraid of change yet i'm more frightened of staying the same. i want to grow and i want to change and i want to be something. i suppose only i can make that happen, but then if i try hard what if i fail?

i realize i'm vain, but it's the truth that i'm scared i will grow ugly. that i'll grow less and less attractive. is that horrible? yes. i should have my feminist card revoked. i'm scared no one will want to see me naked, much less in a form fitting dress or a low cut blouse. i don't expect to stay thin and young looking forever, but i'm 20 and i feel gross and unsexy everyday. i guess that's normal. i want to be good-looking without trying. i want the grace and poise and looks--all of it.

i apologize for the insecurity and rambling. i just had to get it out.

spring is finally here. (!!!) love love love.

my friends and i found a place to move into for fall. it's close to campus, it has a deck that overlooks the woods, and most importantly, we each get our own bathroom.

i've been stressing out recently, just from school and everything. i got a job as civil rights examiner for examiner.com and i've been working and doing school. i guess i'm really worried because i don't know what i want to do with my life. right now i'm working on being a teacher, and that's something i'd like, but there's also other things as well. i'd like to start my own business. i'd like to write. i'd like to create in some capacity. i like feminism and talking about gender. i like dancing. i like drawing and writing and baking and reading. can someone combine all these loves and make a job for me?

i do know this: i want a good life. one with friends and love. it doesn't matter if i'm rich, i just want to be happy.

i want to try an start a box garden this weekend.

MY body

Body Positivity is for everyone.
So is Body Sovereignty.
I am the owner of my body. I decide what is done to it and how it is treated.
I have a right to modify or decline to modify my body in order to best express myself.
My moral value is independent of my weight or appearance.
My body is an instrument, not an ornament.
I will eat what I want.
I will not allow anyone to shame my body or my self, or the body and selves of others.
My body deserves pleasure.
I have the right to know and define my body.
I will recognize that the bodies I’m attracted to aren’t the only attractive bodies.
Every body has a claim to beauty.
I will affirm and support the personhood of others.
I will never apologize for my weight or how my body looks.
I will recognize the privileges my body has.
I will celebrate the abilities of my body, even if they are different from others.
My body is a part of my self and my being. I will treat it and nurture it as such.

"When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a Communist." --Bishop Hélder Câmara

feminist roundup

some lovely articles that i love

Just Give him a Chance!--no, i'm not interested. how much more obvious can i possibly make it?

Mad Men Valentines!--feel free to print out and distribute to your beloved

The Pleasure of Natural Hair

Oh No! College Girls Can't Get Dates!

winter sucks the energy right out of me. i'm very very very ready for spring. in fact, it just started snowing. snow makes it a little better.

in other news, my nipple piercings are healing nicely. they aren't sore anymore unless i bump my boob into something, which would hurt anyways.

classes are going pretty well. i'm doing an internship with The Missouri Review and so that takes up a lot of my time. I go in for the internship on Tuesday afternoons as well as office hours on tuesday and thursday mornings. I have to read a lot of manuscripts, like 20 a week..i've never been good at pacing myself but i sort of have forced myself to since waiting to read 20 stories the night before would be living hell. i'm trying my best to not procrastinate and go to class, but old habits die hard. I've missed 3 days of French, but hopefully my professor didn't take note. in addition to French, i have literary friendships in 18th century British literature, personal finance, and intermediate creative writing. As always, my writing class is my favorite. We're reading Aimee Bender's "Willful Creatures" which is really amazing...my favorite is a story about a woman with potato children. i've written some really good responses to prompts which i hope will turn into full fledged stories.

the snow is really pretty. i don't have much to say.

i am a cynic of the highest degree, but some things melt my heart even when i don't want them to.

so, i turned 20 on the 17th. I don't feel much diffrent, but i do like to think about where i was a year ago. I like to reflect on the past during important events in my life. A year ago, I had met my current boyfriend and was dating a complete asshole. I had just turned 19 and he had refused to buy me booze for my party and we got into a big fight about it. He didn't give me a present. But he was great in bed. This year, my current bf took me shopping for presents and I got some cds and books and am very pleased with them. I had an awesome kickass party at my friends where everyone got wasted and danced all night. My friend made me a tinfoil tiara. A year ago i was living in a shitty little dorm room, but now i'm living in a duplex with plenty of room and awesome girls. So i suppose the difference in being 20 is me being happy. I am happy. My friends are great, I love my roomates, I love my boyfriend, I'm challenging myself academically, socially, and professionally, and I like my life.

i'm ready

dear life,
i'm ready for you to start. i feel like i'm at a stand still most of the times. other times, i feel really alive, the times when my friends make me laugh so hard i snort, the times i'm drunk on wine or beer or vodka and i love everyone around me...the times when i feel like i am safe in a cocoon of tangled legs and blankets. i feel alive when i'm tripping with my friends and we discover something inside of ourselves we never knew was there. i feel alive when i arch my head and see the brightness of the sky. i feel alive when i come home and my dogs are so happy to see me, like they haven't seen me in weeks. i feel alive when i rip off my boyfriend's clothes and we fuck wildly and then he holds me in his arms, kissing my neck.
but a lot of the times, it feels like my real life is yet to start. i'm still in the town where i was born...in fact i'm just down the street from the hospital my mother gave birth to me in. i guess it's my own fault for not leaving, but i still want to leave. i want to see more, feel more. i want to live off the grid, i want to dress eccentrically, i want to roam around the world with nothing but a backpack. when will i get to do this? i guess now is better than never. i think i'll take some summer off and go backpacking through the wilderness. because i need to realize i can do it...i'm not obligated to marry, i'm not obligated to stay here, i'm not obligated to be suzy homemaker. i don't want to sit behnd a desk, i don't want to slowly rot away.

i do want to see all the oceans, and swim in them with someone i love. i want to live in a big old house with all my friends. i want to grow my own food. i want my passport to be stamped with all the countries of the world. i want to be alive. i'm ready.

my banquent microwave meal says that three chicken fingers, cheesy pasta, and hard chocolate cake rock is a dinner.i'm not arguing.

in case you haven't heard, it's been a snow shit storm here in como. i didn't go to work today and i only ventured out to take care of erin's mom's cats. i saw a police car speeding down the highway then skid and hit a snow drift. my mom of course has been updating me via text about road conditions and telling me to dress warmly and to not go outside.

now i'm holed up in my house with my banquet mircowave meal and a grilled cheese wishing i had some hard liquor. i turn 20 in ten days.
update: new 30 rock will have james franco...drool drool.